The theme of this sabbatical is gentleness: self-compassion, slow and deliberate communication, patience. Allowing time for conscious awareness to seep into the subconscious and let cognitive dissonance evaporate. Through regular meditation, therapy, and the support of loved ones, I’ve been cultivating the practice of meeting both intensity and uncertainty with gentleness. This has required intentionally creating a lot of open space in my life. Time unfilled by work or other obligation. Allowing boredom, restless, and anxiety to come and go. Spending quality time with myself and letting it feel awkward and uncomfortable. This has also meant actively resisting the all-or-nothing ways of thinking by trying to find the middle path that allows for the broadest range of experiences. For me, this has looked like spending more time at home alone but going out occasionally and on some short trips to stay connected to friends, exercising and eating mindfully but taking regular opportunities to indulge or be slothful, and minimizing the use of alcohol as a means of connection (more on this unsimple journey later).

As I gear up for a seemingly very intense adventure- walking 500 miles across northern Spain, I am holding the intention of gentleness and maintaining space for the “middle” experience. This will mean pushing myself physically and socially to explore new terrain. It will also mean relaxing into the timelessness of a long walk with no deadline and savoring the new perspectives (of the towns I’ll pass through as well as those of the other pilgrims) and sensory joys (fresh air, a sardine laced olive, Galician bagpipes) I hope to encounter.